I don't usually arrange sex via text message
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
