she woke up with a sticky ear
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
