ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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