This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
