i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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