the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
