We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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