Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
