maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
