My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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