Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
