You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
