I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
