I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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