do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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