Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize