I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
