I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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