could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
