Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
