She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
3 2 1 whiskey
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
