Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
