Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
