I think scott just propositioned me for sex
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
