DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
