We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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