Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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