my phone needs a breathalizer
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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