Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
