I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
