can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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