My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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