I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Michael Bay diarrhea
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
