I need help removing her.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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