You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
