I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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