she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
