I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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