Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
