I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
