i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
