Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
