i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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