You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize