there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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