White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
