idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
