Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
