i wish starbucks made bloody marys
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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