i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
