____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
stop calling my apartment porn island.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
