His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
