$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
