the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
