ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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