her vagine was all disorganized.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
drinking out of a sandbucket again
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize