So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Randomize
