Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
