You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
