So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Fuck appropriateness.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
