i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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